An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
