never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
