fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
