it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
