I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
