Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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