god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
