so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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