Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
