Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
