That reminds me...we need to get swords
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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