you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
