If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
