mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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