My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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