Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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