it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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