Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
