Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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