i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
