my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
