It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
