i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
