Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
