Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
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she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
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Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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