I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
