my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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