I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize