The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
