I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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