our cab driver is having phone sex.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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