I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize