How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
