There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
