You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
