I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
