Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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