She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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