the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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