my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
