apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
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Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
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I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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