I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
