The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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