Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
