how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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