I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
