I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
