Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I think my moral compass just broke
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
