Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
