yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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