I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
