This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
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