It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
