And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
