i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
