bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
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