what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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